Filling the Void
by Kitterpillar
Summary: PreKH2: I feel nothing but emptiness inside. Like there should be something, but there’s only a hole.


_Who am I?_

The question that plagues my entire existence.

I have no memories of my true self.

My first memory is waking up, my face in a puddle of dank, dark water. I was lying on my stomach. I picked myself up off the ground and looked at myself. My body was as it is now, the body of a sixteen-year-old male with clear blue eyes and spiked blonde hair.

I know how real people come to be. They are born from their mothers, coming into the world as crying infants. They have families, memories and friends. They think, feel, and live.

I simply existed, empty and alone.

After waking up that first time, I noticed my surroundings. I was in an alley, lit only by flashing neon signs from surrounding buildings. Things moved in the shadows, watching. I walked. I don't know for how long. Time never changes in that city, it is always night. I walked for what seemed like ages before collapsing, weak from hunger and thirst.

Sometimes I wish he hadn't found me, so my empty existence would have ended. Thinking back on it, I'm grateful he did. At the time, I didn't want to be alone in the dark. I didn't want to die.

He carried me to the castle. I was cold and delirious, clinging to this strange man in a black cloak. I remember crying out upon entering the castle, the stark white blinding me after the eternal darkness of the city. He took me to see his Superior and I learned the man's name.

_Axel_.

They brought me into their Organization, gave me a home, a purpose, a reason for my empty existence. They were like me, empty beings never meant to exist.

Yet even though we were the same, I was still very different.

The others in the Organization, they all remember past lives. Sometimes Xigbar tells war stories from his home world, of the family he had. Demyx often complains of missing his teenage sweetheart and his band. Every one of them, even the Superior, has told me something of their past. They all have the ability to emulate emotions to the point where it seems they almost actually feel something.

I feel nothing but emptiness inside. Like there should be something, but there's only a hole.

Sometimes, I dream. I dream of a boy with eyes like my own but with darker, spikier hair. He goes on adventures with his comrades, fights monsters to save his friends. He wields a keyblade, like me.

I don't feel so empty after these dreams.

The Superior often asks me about these dreams. Where was the boy? What was he fighting? What was he trying to accomplish? He seems to know who the boy is, but will not reveal his name or his whereabouts.

I'm always frustrated after discussing my dreams with him. I want to know who this boy is. I want to know why I dream only of him.

Axel tells me I think too much.

The others of the Organization, they tend to avoid me. I guess I make them uncomfortable with my lack of ability to express emotion, to joke, laugh, and get angry.

Axel doesn't. He often seeks out my company. I don't know why, but it makes staying at the castle less uncomfortable.

I don't like being alone.

He's with me now, in this room. I'm sitting at a table, sipping a soda. He's lying inverted on a sofa nearby, with his head hanging down and his feet up over the back, watching me with bright green eyes, his wild red hair touching the floor. He's eating a snack cake. I don't know how he manages not to choke on it, eating upside-down like that. Vexen will probably yell at him later for getting crumbs everywhere.

"Axel?"

He takes a moment to swallow before answering. "What's up?"

"...Who am I?"

He frowns for a moment before flipping off the sofa. He walks over and places a hand on my shoulder. A reassuring gesture. I look up into his green eyes. He smiles.

"You're Roxas. Who else would you be?"

"…I don't know. I feel like I should be someone else."

He ruffles my hair. "You're thinking too much again." He tells me that a lot. He's probably right.

"Maybe."

"Well, don't sweat it. You'll remember eventually." He leaves me alone to my thoughts.

_Who am I?_

I don't think I'll ever be able to answer that. Not as long as I stay here at this castle, in this world that's as empty as I am.

Author's Notes: For now, this is going to be a one-shot. I _may_ continue it. I'm not terribly good with commitment and it's coming down to finals at the University. As always, feedback is appreciated, be it positive or negative.

Disclaimer: The Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2 characters are belong to Square-Enix, BVG, Disney, and all those other people. I'm merely using them for the purpose of excercising my imagination, because it's getting fat and lazy.


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